:: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 ::

Um ultimo post em inglês por hoje... aliás todos esses são cortesia da galera do fórum "Pilot's Lounge" do IL-2 Sturmovik.

"Politically Correct Fairy Tales!"

=====

Hansel and Gretel

Hansel and Gretel were lost in the woods when they came upon a house made of candy and cake. An old witch invited them in and then captured both of them intending to eat them. Gretel had a chance save both of them by pushing the old woman in an oven but she decided that it would be wrong not to respect the witch's cultural traditions. So Gretel and her brother allowed themselves to be cooked and eaten. The witch was so happy with the children's actions that she invited all of her witch friends to the area. Soon thereafter, they ate every child in a hundred mile radius. Soon the whole area was filled with nothing but child eating witches and all the witches were very happy!

The Moral of the Story: You must respect the culture of others, even at your own expense!

=====

Fisherman and the Fish

An old man finds a fish. The fish says "Let me go, old man. I will reward you for my freedom by giving you anything you desire". The old man at the behest of his wife makes wish after wish. Finally, the fish decides the old man and his wife are being too greedy and takes everything he gave them away. Then the man and his wife hire Johnny Cochran and sue the federal government for not having federal regulations in place to prevent wishing fish from unfairly taking away previously given magical spoils. The judge ruled in their favor and they were both given 500 million dollars worth of taxpayer funds with which they lived happily ever after.

The Moral of the Story: It's the federal government's responsibility to fix every bad thing that happens in the world.

=====

The Three Billy-Goats Gruff

The first and second billy goat gruffs were stopped from going across a bridge to get food by a troll. Then the biggest and baddest billy goat gruff showed up. He told the troll he was going to kick his @ss. That greatly upset the first and second of the billy goats gruff who accused the third billy goat gruff of "hegemony" and "imperialism" and said that negotiation was the way to go. So the third billy goat gruff went away. Unfortunately, the troll refused to negotiate and first two billy goats gruff starved to death.

The Moral of the Story:It's better to starve to death than to fight!

=====

The Three Little Pigs

There were once three little pigs. The first little pig built his house out of straw. But the big bad wolf easily knocked it down. Then he ran to the 2nd pig's house which was made out of sticks. But the wolf came there and knocked it down too. Then both pigs ran to the American pig's house which was made out brick. When the wolf came there, the American pig pulled out a gun and blew his stinking head off. Afterwards, both little pigs who lost their houses started building their houses out of straw again. When the American pig asked them why they accused the American of being an "arrogant jerk" and of "acting unilaterally". But they secretly knew the American would always save them, just like he did in WW1 and WW2 so they could afford not to be prepared.

The Moral of the Story: Even though Americans are helpful, they're real creeps!

=====

The Ants and the Grasshopper

All summer long the ants worked and prepared for the winter while the grasshopper went to Rage Against the Machine concerts and played Everquest. The grasshopper laughed and laughed at the ants for working so hard. Then winter came. The ants had plenty of food and shelter while the grasshopper had none. So the government took the ants tax money and built the grasshopper a house, gave him welfare cheese to eat, and paid for courses at the local university that the grasshopper didn't bother to go to. When the ants complained everyone agreed that they were greedy rich jerks for having more than the grasshopper.

The Moral of the Story: Taking money from people who work hard and giving it to the lazy is compassionate!



:: FOU ::
15:19
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Um pouquinho de patriotismo no meio de tantos posts em inglês:



Aquarela do Brasil
Ary Barroso (1939)
(traditional version)

Brasil, meu Brasil brasileiro
Meu mulato inzoneiro
Vou cantar-te nos meus versos
O Brasil, samba que dá
Bamboleio que faz gingá
O Brasil do meu amor
Terra de Nosso Senhor
Brasil! Brasil!
Prá mim... prá mim...

Ô, abre a cortina do passado
Tira a mãe preta do serrado
Bota o rei congo no congado
Brasil! Brasil!
Deixa cantar de novo o trovador
A merencória luz da lua
Toda a canção do meu amor
Quero ver a “sá dona” caminhando
Pelos salões arrastando
O seu vestido rendado
Brasil! Brasil!
Prá mim... prá mim...

Brasil, terra boa e gostosa
Da morena sestrosa
De olhar indiscreto
O Brasil, verde que dá
Para o mundo se admirá
O Brasil do meu amor
Terra de Nosso Senhor
Brasil! Brasil!
Prá mim... prá mim...

Ô, esse coqueiro que dá côco
Ôi onde amarro a minha rêde
Nas noites claras de luar
Brasil! Brasil!
Ô, ôi essas fontes murmurantes
Ôi onde eu mato a minha sede
E onde a lua vem brincá
Ôi, esse Brasil lindo e trigueiro
É o meu Brasil brasileiro
Terra de samba e pandeiro
Brasil! Brasil!
Prá mim... prá mim...

Sabiam que isso é samba? Nem parece né? Samba bom é música e não essas porcarias que andam por aí...




:: FOU ::
14:45
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's a sound track : http://sunyuqian.vip.sina.com/game/Italiantomalta.MP3

one day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel,in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast .she brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate". She say to me: "you better not pi*s on the plate, you sonnawabi*ch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabi*ch!!

Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings
me a Spoon and a knief but no fork. I tell her "I wanna a fork" and she tella me : "everyone wanna fu*k". I tella her " you don't undertsand me...I wanna fork on the table". She say : "you better not fu*k on the table you sonnawabi*ch."

So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet". he tell me to Go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on my bed". He say:"you better not sh*t on the bed, you sonnawabi*ch".

I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said " peace on you".and I say : " Pi*s on you too, you sonnawabi*ch". I'm gonna back to Italy!





:: FOU ::
14:40
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was hoping that they would show up again

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”



:: FOU ::
14:36
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Question: What is globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer : An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French
tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who
was high on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian
medicines!

And ............... this is sent to you from NYC, using Bill Gates'
technology which he stole from the Japanese. And you are probably reading
this on one of the IBM clones that use Philippine-made chips, and Korean
made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by lorries driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and
finally sold to you by a Chinese!

That's Globalization!



:: FOU ::
14:27
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:: Monday, February 03, 2003 ::

Farewell...


Columbia




:: FOU ::
06:14
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------